Monday, August 27, 2007

Shades of my past

I walked to the local restaurant and back home this morning, memories of my childhood flitting across my mind as I saw kids heading off for their first day of school. They weren't very pleasant memories either. I dreaded going to school because I was very overweight and teased with names like "2 ton." My mother took me to a doctor after I was fitted for a size 22 dress for my brother's wedding. That was in the 7th grade! I followed the diet plan the doc gave me and lost much of the weight by the time I entered high school and kept it off until I had my first child. From then on I've endured a constant battle with the same 40 pounds for several years. I lose it, I gain it, I lose it again. Right now I have to get back to working on losing it yet again.

The teasing I experienced as a child turned me into an introvert and left me with very low self-esteem. I'm still quite shy and hate looking in the mirror because no matter how much weight I lose I continue to see an overweight woman. It's somewhat sad how things from our youth can stick with us long into adulthood, shaping us in ways we don't want to be shaped.

This is the first time I've talked about this in my journal. I guess that's because I'd rather not dwell on the past. I've learned from it, and in ways I'm grateful for it since I think it made me a more caring, loving individual.

2 comments:

iGoddess said...

*BIG HUGS*

you're absolutely beautiful and i love you!!! =)

i understand where you're coming from, though. while i wasn't exactly teased to my face in school, it got back to me when someone said something. and i always had my dad poking or pinching me and telling me i didn't need to eat and to get out of the kitchen. no matter what i look like in the mirror, i still look fat to myself.

you're right, though. the harshness of others teaches us to become more aware, considerate, and loving people because we've been on the receiving end of their cruelty. we dont' want to make others feel that way, because we know how much (and for how long) it actually hurts.

=)

hang in there. focus on getting healthy, eating right, and feeling good. we could do that together! the gods only know i need to get back on some sort of regimen...

Az said...

I need to get on a regimen too. It's hard for me to believe that I used to walk nearly 10 miles a day, and that was less than 4 years ago! When (and why) the hell did I become so lazy? lol

*hugs*